Effects of divorce on children

Divorce potentially brings with it a series of changes that will affect the development of children in a significant way, and in this sense, it is defined as a trauma for the child. This trauma is experienced as a kind of loss-grief reaction. The child may feel that he has left the home or lost his parent with whom he cannot live. A new rush brought by this feeling and idea is the anxiety that he will lose his other parent. These dynamics may lead to different mental reactions in children and adolescents compared to different ages. On the other hand, a child who grows up in an uneasy environment with important conflicts and fights may also be exposed to traumatic effects.

Probably the most valuable point here is that the parents try not to reflect their troubles on the children as much as possible until the result is clear while making the decision to divorce. It is known that in many marriages, violent arguments continue in the dwelling for many years before the divorce, one or both of the parents experience mental troubles and they live differently and reconcile many times. Children who have witnessed all these processes experience severe problems arising from obscurity. Unfortunately, it is a common reality that parents sometimes reflect the anger they feel towards their spouses to their children due to their own mental state and the tension caused by the conflict, and that they disparage their spouses and their families to their children. There is one very valuable point that all parents should know.
which means that a child consists of half of the mother and half of the father. Even if you don’t realize it, your child will feel as if every positive or negative word you say about the other parent was said about him.

Children of divorced parents often tend to blame themselves for the divorce. Sometimes even some words that are said with sufficient intention can cause this feeling of guilt to increase. For example, pronunciations such as ‘I am not getting divorced for my children’ or ‘I will divorce your father-mother if you wish’ are very common. Waiting for children to make such an important decision is too heavy to help them and brings a burden that they will carry for the rest of their lives.

The most basic symptom of psychological problems and psychiatric diseases is the effect of quality of life. Many emotional problems before and after divorce show themselves with school failure in children. Distraction in children, problems with the lesson, or non-compliance with school can be the subject of the word. It is valuable to understand the root of the problem in children experiencing school failure. In addition, divorce, child depression, anxiety disorder, etc. may trigger many psychiatric conditions. If there are traumatic reasons such as divorce or similar on the basis of the problem; The child’s quality of life, parental attitudes, parents’ relations with each other, the mental state of the parents, how the child’s close relatives, etc., approach the divorce, the quality of the time spent with the parents should be carefully examined. Here is recommended to families; it is the termination of the divorce process without the loss of love and trust of the child from the beginning with a real solid cooperation. After the process, the parents said that they were divorced from being a wife; However, they should not forget that they are not divorced from being parents and should transfer this to the child. They should answer the child’s questions about divorce in a way that is consistent with the child’s development and needs, and in a reliable manner.

Even if a divorce starts out of nowhere, there are things that can be done from the start. It is beneficial for the spouses to get expert support during the period when they realize that they cannot solve their problems before the divorce. If divorce is inevitable, preparing the child for divorce and getting expert help in the early period will prevent future problems. It is useful to get counseling about possible behavioral disorders that can be observed in the child after the divorce, the ups and downs in the emotional state, the connection issues with the parents and the environment. In addition, early counseling assistance is very valuable and necessary in order to prevent possible problems that may occur with the remarriage of the parents, sibling bonds, and the sibling born with the remarriage of the parents. As a result, divorce is a process that negatively affects all family members, regardless of the circumstances. However, it should not be forgotten that; instead of the child being in an environment where emotional or physical violence is experienced; Being raised by peaceful, contented but different individuals will allow him to develop as a much healthier individual.

The period in which the child suffers the most is the period when the conflicts within the family reach their climax, and the subsequent divorce decision is made and implemented. Children are affected by this powerful process, no matter how much they try to control the anger they feel towards each other, the grief they experience as their lives are on the eve of a complete change. How children will experience the effects of divorce, the age of the child, the attitude of the family in this regard, the way of informing their children are closely related to the domestic mishaps before the divorce. For example, spouses who decide to separate after a violent argument, possibly involving physical violence, witnessed by the child, use their children as a means to convey their anger and hatred to each other.
as they can see. Here, parents are mostly unaware of the harm they have caused to their children in the problematic and painful process they have experienced; when they find the strength to take control of their lives and start a new life, then they begin to realize the damage that children have suffered. Naturally, this may be a late compensation in children’s lives.

In all this painful process, if the child is in adolescence and the wrong attitudes of the parents are the subject of words, the account to be paid will be much heavier. In addition to the strong process given by the physical and emotional development of the young person in adolescence, the possibility of turning to wrong paths due to the setbacks of his family and shifting his life line to different directions will increase. All these reasons necessitate paying more attention to the effects of the divorce process on the child and, if possible, to seek professional help in this process.

Reducing the negative effects of divorce on children is one of the valuable responsibilities of parents. After a violent argument between husband and wife from time to time, one of the parents suddenly leaves the house. In such a case, either the child naturally adds a meaning to the event or this situation is explained to the child by the parent staying in the house. No matter how objectively the separation is tried to be explained, the fact that the mother or father who left the house suddenly has not made an explanation causes the child to think that the parent has abandoned him or that the child himself has caused this situation. The ensuing anger and guilt also pushes the child under a heavy burden.

If we come to the points that parents should pay attention to in this bet; First of all, it is very valuable for parents to receive couples therapy and individual psychiatrist support while making the decision to divorce. If the decision to divorce becomes clear as a result of the psychiatric basis and therapies, the parents should explain this decision to their children in a faithful and calm language, share certain information about the themes such as where they will live, which school they will go to, whether they can see their parents, and answer the questions asked by the children. . Before and after giving this valuable speech, reference should be taken from child-adolescent psychiatrists and psychologists, who are professional professionals. However, the decision should definitely and definitely be explained by the parents, as people the child knows and trusts. The healthiest is to be told that everyone is in a state of emotional distress, that things are not the fault of the children, and that the divorce is due to issues between two adults. In this process, it is absolutely necessary for the parents to act together; Clear language appropriate to the child’s level should be used towards the child. If possible, it should be tried not to change the place where the child lives, and it should be avoided to involve the child in violent processes that require adaptation to a new place on top of the changes and burdens he has experienced.