It creates an identity different from itself on both sides in relationships. This identity, which is not distant from the self, but related to interest, should first make you happy. The most valuable question to ask is: am I happy with the identity I have created in relation to it? Have I been able to love the person I have become? If your answer is negative, then he should work on it. Our schemas, our lifestyle, our experiences, our traumas may be making us someone we don’t want to be connected to today. We cannot change the past, but we can create awareness and insight today to make the future better. Being “us” is not an easy concept. A concept that you can create by missing you is not at all. You get closer to being us when you are the most me. We always want the person you are with to be the person we idealize. At first, let’s call it love, this is the time period when positive bias is the most. The partner who looks like Ülkü suddenly leaves his place to disappointment when this time period ends. If we keep the initial expectation on the connections, we are very likely to be disappointed. expectations; it changes and transforms with you and the bond. So much for feelings and intentions. Your expectation of a relationship at 19 and your expectation at 50 will be different. Interest is labor, effort is investment. The more effort and investment, the harder it is to give up. Unless you give up, distances from yourself can begin. Sometimes a person can be burdened with the name of not betraying the labor. Relationships are about a dance, it may have to be left when the music is over. The bonds are too great for the sacrifices and labor of one person. Therefore, both partners must be active. However, one of the partners can start therapy with more awareness. In order for couple therapy to be active, both partners need to gain awareness individually. That’s why every couple therapy should include personal therapy.